He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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