matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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