It's Friday. Sex?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
