idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
