I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
