hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
