Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize