I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
