Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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