Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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