If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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