I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
