so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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