Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
