idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
