You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
