i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
