THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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