Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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