He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
