happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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