Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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