Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
