I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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