We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
