I murdered the dance floor call the cops
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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