This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
