I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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