...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would ride that face into the sunset
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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