Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
