How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
