her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
