So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
