Little spoons don't ask big questions
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
