I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
