yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
