remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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