I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
