Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wish you could order shots online.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize