Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
