I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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