I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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