chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
And then he peed in my hair
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