Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My vagina is officially offended.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
