I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
