#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh god it's open bar.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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