dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
