I am puke
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
