yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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