Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
