Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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