All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
