...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
