There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
