Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
