you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
