jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
