The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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