Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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