My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
