I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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