There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize