So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
