yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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