we have officially lost it.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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