how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
