I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
