Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
