Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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