thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
