what day is it and did you see me today?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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