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He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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