Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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