oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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