the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize