I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
please come you make the beer taste better
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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