The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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