My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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