Can Purell be used as lube?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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