i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
