i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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