I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize