You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
