TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
