i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
