So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
