I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
