is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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