i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
